Babies, I have a real issue on my hands here. It's a motherfucker. A real motherfucker. Can ya help a girl out? heheheh Maybe you can, maybe you can......
IF YOU DON'T I'LL CUT YOUR HEARTS OUT AND FEED 'EM TO MY DOGS.
I'm kidding babies. I don't have any dogs!
No, see, it's real important. I've got cocksuckers leaving me in droves! Too many to handle on my own, I'm afraid. Poor mommy, all on her own, with no one but Mr. Flint to back me up. He's a sweetheart, he is, but god he's getting old as fuck. Not very intimidating, y'know? So now here I am, trying to keep my boys in line. And they've all jumped ship! Ohhhh but not all of them make it to the raft in time, don't you worry about that. Mommy takes care of as many of them as she can, yes she does, yes she fucking does. >:3
(The last fucker who tried had the best tasting brain, I couldn't even wait for him to die to eat it!)
So I'm a bit upset! Can you blame me? This goddamn operation doesn't run itself. And just because Andre isn't around, doesn't mean I can't take care of my own affairs. I've got too much shit to do as top dog, though, so I've got to ask my babies for a favor: RECRUITMENT! You can do that for me, can't you, babies? Sure you can! Just spread the word of how NICE it is to work for me, how FUN and EXCITING and how much opportunity for PROMOTION there is! Minus that last part.
I'm willing to pay for your trouble...blood money. And blood. And money. You will get all three of these things if you help me! Don't think you're the only little tit-suckers I've got going, though, you're gonna have to work your ass off for me to get a reward. Mommy is not your personal wallet, you know. Plenty of fishermen on the sea for me right now. That's why Flint-y hasn't gotten his next post up, I'm busting his balls along with all the rest!
And hey! I am hiring, after all, babies...any of you want looking for a job?
(Psssst. We're just gettin' started, bitches. Thanks for the reminder of who I am, sweetcakes. You fucks ain't seen nothin' yet.)
Called it.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't want to work for you anymore than you would want to hire me.
ReplyDeleteYOU'RE SEVERELY FUCKING UNDERQUALIFIED SWEETPEA
DeleteNot to mention the strong possibility that I would write my CV in the blood of your remaining men. That shit wouldn't go down well.
DeleteDon't say that. She might decide to take you up on it. And you would lose.
DeleteI'm an entire ocean away. Admittedly that might not be enough, but it's pretty good.
DeleteDid you miss the part where she's organized crime? And you're not exactly hard to find.
DeleteOrganised crime in England is very different to organised crime in America. If a New York mobster tried to enforce his way here, he'd get fucking glassed.
DeleteMiss Jessica, I know that I'm far from knowledgeable about how to run a business, but you may attract more employees if you stop killing the ones you have. Just a friendly suggestion.
ReplyDeleteYOU DON'T KNOW SHIT BABY. YOU POOR LITLE SHITTY BABY. Fear is a good way to convince people of what you want. And I can be very very verrrrrrryyyy persuasive >:)
Delete